Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
