I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
