I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
