I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
