Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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