im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
