trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
