How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
