bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
