Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I am midnight drunk by noon
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize