I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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