I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
