I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize