True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
