just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
