Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
