he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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