In the future we'll all be gay
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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