i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
