I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
