i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
