you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
