Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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