you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
