so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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