remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
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When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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