i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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