I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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