You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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