do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
