i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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