She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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