its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
