i jhust puked up my retainher.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
