I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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