Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize