She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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