Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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