i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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