I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
