What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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