I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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