he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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