He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
