Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
