That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You smell like stripper and shame
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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