my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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