Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
