I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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