no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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