aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
