google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i drank out of a bidet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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