Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
