She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
