Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
