when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
