tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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