He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
