So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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