Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
