We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I would fuck him just for his dog
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
