Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
