i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
